I've realized I need to be more direct and outspoken about what I truly feel.
I can't just let my actions override my rational side.
I want to say more, I want to return your words with my own, I want to just let go.
I don't want to hold back any longer.
There's so much I want need to say but the part of me who can't speak her heart won't let me.
Many times I've scolded myself for not saying anything at all when the moment needed my words to be spoken.
&I can't let that happen any longer.
I'm going to try&keep on trying till I'm comfortable to speak true words of my own.
It's going to be a long process and there will be times I'll stumble along the way but what kind of hardship doesn't have difficulties? 
Here I go.

 "Christy, what did you do to yourself?"
I was depressed. Hungry. Disappointed. Angry. 

I wanted to stay where I was all day. Under the covers. Pretend I was just an illusion waiting to fade away. I didn't want to get up. I wanted to close my eyes to the world and sleep till I can no longer open them. I didn't answer the 20+ calls on my phone because I simply couldn't hear them. I was too lost in my head and wanting to block out everything to anything. I was too distorted to deal with such petty things. I just wanted to scream in anger. I just wanted to waste away to nothingness. I just wanted to destroy everything.

I'm slowly losing me.

My one&only♥